Thursday, March 28, 2013

Attachment Theory.


This week, we were blessed to get to hear from Dr. Joshua Straub.  He is an expert in counseling, and this week he took on the challenge of breaking down for us why we do what we do, believe what we believe and feel the way we feel.  Relationships can make or break your career, family, and any friendships you may develop.  For that reason, it is important to know your attachment and relationship style. 

We were made for relationships.  God describes himself as the Lover of our soul.  We seek love.  Secular research has proven that at as early as 3 years of age we seek a transcendental relationship with a god-type figure.  Ecclesiastes 3:11 states that God has put eternity our hearts.  Often times we base our relationship with God on obedience and goodness… but it’s not about our character; its about showing God’s.  

The idea of attachment theory is used to describe and categorize long-term relationships among people.  This could be romantic relationships as well as parent/child relationships and friendships.  However, our attachment style also greatly impacts your relationship with God.  Your attachment style is based on your ability to regulate emotions.  It’s important to have both strong negative and positive emotions, but it’s even more important to be able to regulate these emotions.  We must be able to answer the following three questions.  Is the world I’m living in a safe or dangerous place?  Can I count on my caregiver’s help in times of need?  Can I get the care I need when I need it?

We retain two distinctively different types of memories.  Implicit memories are those memories that do not require conscious attention.   From birth you can develop implicit memories, and you can add to these memories all throughout your lifetime.  Like tying your shoes for example.  Once you learn it, and practice it, it becomes natural.  These memories are not regulated by emotion.  On the other hand, explicit memories begin developing in the second year of life.  These memories require a sense of recollection, and a conscious effort for attention. 

To evaluate a relationship we must first as ourselves two questions… Am I worth? Am I capable?  Likewise, we must ask a few questions about the other person… Are you reliable?  Are you accessible?  Are you capable?  Are you willing?   These questions can determine whether we have negative or positive about ourselves or about the other person. 

With these responses, you can use the chart below to determine your relationship style.  



Each different type of attachment style demonstrates different character qualities.  The preoccupied, or anxious, attachment style often reflects a fear of abandonment.  The dismissive, or avoidant, attachment style reflects a problem with conflict resolution, or a tendency to feel smothered. The fearful attachment style is a combination of these two, in the negative aspect.  These people may have a strong fear of abandonment, yet lack skills to problem solve within conflict.  Oppositely, a secure attachment style is someone who is comfortable with whom he or she is as an individual.  They are capable of solving conflict, and also secure enough to be apart from their partner. 

These attachment styles play into our relationship with God.  Are you anxious about loosing intimacy with God?  Are you open to seeing the way he can use your life for his will?  Do you trust him?  Do you know that you are worthy of his love?  Examine your heart.   Don’t take suffering as a measure of how much God does or doesn’t love you.  Find joy in the suffering, knowing that it is intentional, and being used to build you up.  It is crucial to find security in God in order to find security in any other relationship. 

“Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.” – Ephesians 6:19-20

Thursday, March 21, 2013

why we are.


This week, Ben Williams came in to teach us about different forms of worldviews.  It was a very challenging, thought provoking week. 

The word worldview is defined as a holistic approach to life, rooted in a set of basic beliefs that you have, whether you know it or not, that determines your view of and for the world.  Human history is based on determining basic beliefs. 

The five basic beliefs every world religion must establish are:
1.)   Origin- where do we come from?
2.)   Identity – Who are we? What does it mean to be me?
3.)   Meaning – What is the purpose of our lives?
4.)   Morality – How do we determine right from wrong?
5.)   Destiny – What happens when we die?

Plato believed that reality is supernatural.  That the real world, the physical world, is only a reflection of some perfect world we will see someday.   Aristotle believed that reality is physical, that truth is found within the object itself.   We find perfection in what we already know.  These two philosophers have set the pace for the biggest differences in world religions. 

First we looked at Naturalism.  This belief encompasses Nihilism (life has no meaning), Existentialism (I must make meaning in my life, since there is no meaning to life), Hedonism (Life is about pleasure), and Humanism (life is about making the world better for humans).  Naturalists follow Aristotle’s idea that reality is physical.  This means that they see the world as it is, and see nothing beyond that. 

Naturalists believe that the world began with the big bang, and life has evolved from there.  Many of them believe that humans are not much better than apes.  Others don’t think that human life has much meaning at all.  Some naturalists believe that human life has no meaning, while others believe that the meaning of life is just to make the world a better place for other humans.  However, potentially the saddest part of naturalism is that they believe everything stops when we die.  In the words of Howard Stern, “Here’s what happens when you die- you sit in a box and get eaten by worms.”

Next we looked at transcendentalism.  This includes most of the eastern world religions such as Buddhism, and Hinduism.  These are two examples of pantheistic religions which believe that all is god.  In other words, we are all a small part of the energy that runs the universe. 

Transcendentalist believe that in order to be reincarnated at a higher level in life, we must maintain a good karma, or balance between right and wrong.  There is no idea of repentence, because you are already god, so who would you need to repent to?  They believe we are all here to work together as a part of the energy of god; that we are really just spirits that have been imprisioned in bodies here on earth.  The end goal of enlightenment can only be achieved if you live your life well enough to be reincarnated at a higher social caste than you lived the life before.  Eventually, once you have passed all the other levels, you reach a state of Nirvana, or oneness with God. 

It was really interesting to hear about so many different worldviews.  Ben did a good job of challenging us to defend our own beliefs by arguing the views of these other religions.  It was fun to see how well we really know what we believe, but it also brought a whole new perspective into things.  When you know and understand other religions, it makes it a lot easier to understand where they’re coming from.  You are then able to defend your own beliefs, without offending theirs.  I think it’s important to educate ourselves in other religions in order to speak the truth of the gospel into their lives. 

 “Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.”  - Ephesians 6:19-20

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The difference.


After our long, incredible trip to Ireland, this week it’s back to the grind.  We dug right in with our speaker Bret Jensen.  He talked to us about the importance of the gospel, not just for new believers, or even just for evangelizing, but as more of an everyday enamor-ment. 

To show us some examples of what it means to be enamored by the gospel, Bret pointed to scriptures that had been written out of pure enamor-ment of God. 

First Peter was written more than 30 years after Christ left the Earth, and yet Peter is still SO enamored by what he did.  1 Peter 1:3-12 speaks of inexplicable joy and the power of salvation.  30 years into his ministry, Peter is still moved by the power of the gospel. 

In Ephesians, we see Paul take on a completely different writing style in order to throw in a brief snippet of his enamor-ment of the Gospel.  Typically, Paul writes very direct theological, informational passages.  However, Ephesians 1:3-19 is a very poetic passage where Paul becomes very repetitive, using lots of adjectives and words of love for Christ.  He takes puts his agenda to the side to stop because he is so caught up in worship of his Lord and Savior.  Later on, in chapter 3 we see worship overtake him once again.  In verses 20 and 21, Paul seems to have thrown in a random prayerful interjection of worship.  Its as if he has thrown in a doxology in the middle of his letter to the church at Ephesus.  Although these are generally found at the end of a letter, we see these mid-book doxologies several times throughout scripture. 

In Matthew, we see a different type of enamor-ment.  In chapter 6 verses 9-13, we see a fairly well known passage, the Lord’s Prayer, changed over time by someone so caught up by the greatness of the gospel.  In many versions of the bible, this passage is concluded by the phrase, “For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever, amen. “  However, recently discovered transcripts have revealed that this phrase was not a part of the original text, but most likely added in by a scriptural scribe.  A man so enamored by God’s goodness that he could not help but add in his own doxology. 

These are all examples of men that have been moved by the gospel.  Why aren’t we enamored by the gospel anymore?  What is stopping us from being as passionate about salvation as these men were? 

For so many, it is because we are stuck with an elementary view of the gospel.  Think… What would your life be like if your education stopped after elementary school?  You probably wouldn’t be working the job you have... Probably wouldn’t have many friends... Probably would not be living as comfortably as you do... You would feel insignificant when compared to everyone around you.  Now, the gospel is the same way.  It can be understood by children… but is it really that simple? 

In Romans 1:18-3:20 we see Paul go into detail about man denying God’s existence.  He calls us out on the fact that we give our hearts in worship to stupid things, and there are consequences because of it.  God sees through all of our facades.  He sees straight through all of our ‘good works’ to the heart behind our actions.  And if it’s not right, you can’t convince him it is.  Although every single person in the world thinks you’re a saint, if you aren’t doing it for His glory, God knows it.  We are all damned.  None of us are righteous. 

But Romans 3 goes on to explain how this weight is lifted.  God’s righteousness has been manifested, or revealed to us through Jesus Christ.  The law says, “I will earn through obedience a good standing before God.”  But we are not made righteous by simply following the law.  We are justified by His grace.  This grace is faith based, not deeds based.  We have been redeemed, or paid for… all of us; the entire human race.  But what we don’t fully realize the impact of is that the only thing that could pay the overwhelming weight of debt of humanity was the blood of Jesus Christ. 

God is holy.  He is a perfect being.  He takes offense to our sin.  Think of King David.  He did a lot of things wrong, and he made a lot of people mad.  But when push came to shove, he knew that he had SINNED against God.  What are we doing to satisfy the wrath of a perfect being? 

In order to understand the great meaning of Jesus’s sacrifice, we examined the driving forces of His life.  First of all, he was a fulfillment of prophecies.  He lived his life knowing that this would be tortured and killed for the very people who tortured and killed him.  In Gethsemane, he sweat drops of blood because he was under so much weight of sin.  The cup of God’s wrath was poured out on him.  Imagine the enormous stress he must have felt… He lived a sinless life, and then at once the weight of the world was poured out on his shoulders.  But he appeased the wrath of God.  In his some of his final words, he asks, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  And we see that he has taken the wrath of God. 

Another reason we have lost a passion for the gospel is because it has been displaced in our lives.  Many of us believe that the Gospel is just step one… the coming to faith.  That is a lie that Satan has put into the minds of so many churches and Christians in general in order to take away our passion for God.  In reality, the Gospel is key to progress in the kingdom. 

Many people today see religion as moral effort and rituals, but the gospel speaks of salvation through grace.  We put too much emphasis on the ritual making us like the Pharisees in our legalism.  We need to learn to be humbled by the gospel, and accept his undeserved grace. 

In Luke 15, we find a fairly well known story about the Prodigal Son.  Bret helped us to take a different look at this parable, and see a side I had never examined before.  In this story, we see a father with two sons.  The younger of the two asks his father for his inheritance, essentially saying “I wish you were already dead, so I could have my money.”  He leaves to go to a far off land, which is probably very lavish and fancy, where he squandered away all his money living frivolously, to the point where he literally hits rock bottom, and gets a job working with pigs on a farm.  This was one of the most degrading jobs in this time.  The pigs were treated better than he was as a servant.  So, he decided that he would go back and plead with his father, not expecting more than a job from him.  But his father saw him coming from a great distance.  He was watching…waiting for the day his son would return to him.  And when he saw him, he ran to meet his son.  He gave him his robe and his signet ring, taking him back in as his son.  His father called for the servants to prepare the fattened calf, the most expensive type of food available at that time.  The eating of this calf, because it was so big, usually instigated a party that would last several days until the calf is gone.  However, the part of this story that is typically overlooked is the reaction of the older brother.  He was in the fields working when he heard music and dancing at the house.  He asked a servant what was happening, and learned of his brother’s return.  He was so mad that he would not even go inside.  His father came and tried to convince him to come in and celebrate with them.  Yet he fought with his father.  He asked why he had wasted his fattened calf on the son who had taken his property and wasted it away when he had been faithful to his father, working for him, and obeying his commands.  But the father rebukes him… “And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.  It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’ ” (Luke 15:31-32)

The older brother thinks he deserves more because he has served more.  He doesn’t want his father to accept his brother back into the family.  He feels entitled to his father’s love because he has been faithful.  But the love of his father is unconditional.  He loves both sons even though one has wronged him.  Because the younger brother was impulsive and gave in to worldly pleasures, the older son judged him.  His reality was distorted.  He cared more about being good than he truly cared for his father.  He was legalistic. 

This story shows us that our bad is not bad enough to disqualify us from the grace of God.  The path to the father’s house was always available; the father is waiting for us to come home. 

These brothers are great examples of two wrong ways to live.  The younger son is lavish, selfish, impatient, and indulgent.  The older son, although he is obedient, strong, and well versed in scriptures does not love and enjoy what the father loves and enjoys.  He does not love the father. 

Now, grace does not mean that we can be disobedient and continually receive his grace, rather that we should feel so compelled by his unchanging grace that we believe what the bible says about it and want to be obedient because of it. 

For some, it is hard to be secure in the gospel, because we are insecure in our relationship with God.   Ask yourself… Do you feel safe with God?  Do you feel accepted as his own?  Do you feel significant or important to him? Do you feel unique?  Do you understand that you have nothing to prove before him?  Do you know that he will never change or leave you?   Do you understand that he will not condemn you?   Often times our earthly relationships directly correlate to trust issues with God. 

In the words of Timothy Keller,  “In religion, we try to obey the divine standards out of fear.  We believe that if we don’t obey we are going to lose God’s blessing in this world and the next.  In the gospel, the motivation is one of gratitude for the blessing we have already received because of Christ.  While the moralist is forced into obedience, motivated by fear of rejection, a Christian rushes into obedience,
motivated by a desire to please and resemble the one who gave his life for us. “

So, what’s the difference?  Are we living our lives as Christians for religion or the gospel? How are we going to let this affect us?  Our ‘religion’ of Christianity is truthfully all about motives.  Yes, be a good person.  Yes, do good things.  But, make sure that you have the right heart behind it.